I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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