I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
