So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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