I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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