I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
