But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
