Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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