am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
