Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
