Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
