omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
