If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
