We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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