I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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