I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I will be naked everywhere
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
