I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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