he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
