nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
