How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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