yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I lost the right to judge tonight
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