i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
