So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
