They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
