I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
