He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
