i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
