I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
