Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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