Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
