I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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