oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
