i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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