in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
