Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
