I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
