a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
