i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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