my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
