Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
