I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
