barbara walters just said penis...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
