My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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