things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
