She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
