i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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