i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
