I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
