What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
