should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
