sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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