I think my fart just growled at me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
