I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
