Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
